As I Lay Listening…

…It begins.

As I Lay Listening…

Notes from the Day The Saint Francis Hospital Rapid Response Team Saved My Life. 2/20/2024

A short explanation of what you are about to read.  About 45-60 mins past the Rapid Response Team’s actions within my hospital room I was starting to feel back to normal, slowly clarity was coming back. 

Clarity of where I was, and what I just went through.  

Next to my hospital bed, my bed at home, my hotel bed I always have placed a notebook/journal close by in case while working on a story an idea I can use, a quote I remember, details of an interview, pop into my head it is easy to scribble it down. 

My notebook was in its regular spot on 2/20/24. 

Some 90 minutes past the Rapid Response event I reached over and grabbed the notebook and started writing down everything I could remember.

This ain’t literature. 

It is Stream of Consciousness scribbles.  And I’m going to leave it like that so that you can get as close to the actual event as possible.  Forget about the spelling of the words, forget legibility, forget prose for facts. 

I will cut and paste it as I scribbled it, throughout the next section you will notice that some of a sentence will be irregular in that most of the words will look normal to you while other words/sentences will either be all bold or plain.

Pay attention to the bold because those are the details closest to what happened, the real nitty-gritty laid out on paper as raw and as close to the real time thought as possible. 

Hope this explanation helps you get closer to what happened that day! 

db

 

…while I Lay Dying.

Here we go… 

52/38 bp is the lowest number I’ve heard associated with the rapid response during which I heard most of what was being said, heard clearly also saw what was being done even though I don’t know if my eyes were open or not, I followed the sound/conversation.  I did hear a time called out or saw a clock of some sort, I remember it reading 1:35 or so. 

It is the rush to help each other that unites us.  Someone in the room/response team is writing a book maybe, not sure autobiography, if you read any book read the book that you wrote about yourself. 

If you came to help me one day, I will come to help you.  Your concern is good, it is ok to be scared while doing your job. I felt it when your hand/skin touched mine, I CAN NOT TELL YOU HOW IMPORTANT YOUR TOUCH, YOUR CARESSES BECAME.  Even the slightest touch human to human was felt. As you cared for me somehow something within me cared for you as well.  Those at my bedside never left and I knew that.  I was never scared or in pain AS LONG AS YOU HELD ME, WHISPRED TO ME, THOUGHT ABOUT ME. 

I don’t know how but I knew and saw where you were standing, some against a wall or door, some hid their concern, but it seemed to be leaking out somehow, weird. I think I heard conversations about ICU, but not positive. 

I saw the man on right side of my bed do something, look at me, look up and above and beyond me maybe at on the wall, look down and across my body gazing slightly above maybe at another person, back to focusing on me and doing it over and over again with each time that he looked backed at me he seemed to be more worried with each look.  I do not know who was standing on the left/other side of the bed if anyone, my head couldn’t seem to turn that way. 

I remember asking a question not sure if anyone heard it, not sure to whom I said it, I think my head turned to the right to say it, not sure, weird, I was worried about the person to whom I wanted to talk to, I wanted to tell that person it was ok and that I was going to be alright, I don’t know if the question was asked or not. 

I knew everyone in the room cared about me.  I never felt any pain.  I was never afraid. 

I don’t know what this means because I can’t explain it, I think my wife would prefer I don’t mention it, but I think the sheer action of love or caring is visible. 

I did not see God or anything like that, I am not a religious person to begin with, I’m not saying that if you believe in God that is right or wrong, I saw you as human as you may ever be, felt close to you, felt worried about some of you but I did not see anything that said to me, that’s God. 

Bottom Line for those of you who come to save those of us: 

I never once felt that I was at the end of my line, my life, within me just the opposite, I thought, I was positive I was in fact at the beginning of a new line.  I did not see where that line goes, weirdly enough that saddens me.  You guided me back, please know that you strangers who felt like friends never left me alone, and somehow, I knew that. 

I think that those who you have saved, helped, over the years to go down whatever that pathway is, and wherever it may go will be there waiting for you and to help you on your next journey, weirdly I seem to be convinced of that, loved ones will be on the off ramps of the path waiting for you, again don’t know why but I’m pretty sure of that. 

Lead with science but also lead with your heart, we know, I appreciated your efforts, please never give up on any of us at the beginning of the path I think we can go further, and in time we may do so. 

Hold our hands I KNEW YOUR TOUCH. 

Talk to us I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID. 

As I lay listening… 

…while I lay dying… 

…I knew you were there; I knew you never left me; I knew you were professionals doing your job……but I also knew you cared about me, about us, those on the other side of the crash cart… 

…I am alive today because of you. 

And please know this, one day we, and I will be there for you. 

Promise, 

 

db